Butthair & Seven: Episode II

By: King Stahome

"Hey"

"Dickey"

"Dickey?"

"Hum."

"Hey."

"Humph?"

"Hey, dinky?"

"wha?"

"Your sisters are looking really fucking good, man."

"Huh?"

"Did Kitano just kick your ass or what? holy shit!"

"What the fuck you say?"

"You got anything to popcorn?"

"huh?"

"I’m starving."

"What’d you say about my sister?"

"I said they're looking hot, man!  I’m totally hard just thinking about 'em"

"Jesus Christ! Would you give up on it? They’re both fucking nuts."

Nina and Pinta were both fucking basket cases.  My dad had a real hard on for Italian explorers.  Oh, well, what the hell.  My sisters are identical fifteen-year-olds, both on a swear to god mission from Satan.  Neither of them sees the light of day unless one of them decides it mandatory to find something to burn in effigy that can only be found at the mall on Saturday.  Seven has been trying to get them in bed for a year now.  I told him it’s a lost cause, but what the fuck, you know?  It makes for good reading.

By the way, my given name is Richard Long-Growes.

That’s right.

Dick long grows.  Every year, first day, no matter what school i was switched to, it was, "Growes, Richard Long."  So you understand it was no great hardship when my peers began calling me Butthair. It was actually kind of a relief.  At least Butthair was a nickname.  People kind of thought it humorous, ya know?  The embarrassment came when I had to introduce myself as Dick Growes.

Mom always wanted a dick.