January 24, 2005
Bad Movie Monday: Warlords of Atlantis
1978's
Warlords of Atlantis is
quite possibly the best underwater adventure featuring Martians. Our tale begins
at sea, as our unlikely heroes descend into the abyss for artifacts from Atlantis.
The action starts off quick when the dainty adventurers are attacked by a dinosaur.
The diving bell that the adventurers are in is almost crushed by the ancient
beast. Luckily, they shock the hell out of it with some wires.
As the adventurers explore further, they are attacked by a giant foam rubber octopus. Oh boy! This non-stop action takes a backseat to some treachery by Cliff Clavin and other fellow shipmates. They try to steal some golden Atlantis statue, but their plan is foiled by the giant foam rubber octopus.
Back to the underwater adventurers, they are sucked into a water vortex and are wisped away to an underwater Arizona. The octopus carries Cliff Clavin and the other shipmates to Atlantis. The shipmates include: Jacko (he has dead man written on his forehead), Grogan (perhaps the worst actor of all time. He is also the guy in the diner from Superman II who beats up Superman) and the ship captain (forgettable). They meet up in the grand canyon of Atlantis and are saved by the Ziggy Stardust (pictured), of the underwater oasis. He leads them past some rough terrain and a burping mud beast.
They arrive at a wonderful city with human slaves. The overlords are Martians who use the humans as slaves to protect their dying civilization from giant turtles. The Martians attach gills to their human slaves so they can't escape (This makes no sense. They aren't even underwater). Anyway, the Martians want to take over the earth because their homeland is dead. The adventurers eventually escape and return to their ship. But Jacko gets eaten by the mud monster. No shit!?!
They get back to ship and the shipmates remember they have a golden statue to steal and the movie goes on for an extra 25 minutes for no reason at all. This storyline was totally unnecessary along with the whole movie.
Highlights: Cliff Clavin, Foam rubber monsters galore, Martians aren't green, they are pasty white.
Best line: "Well, I oughta...!" or When Jacko dies in Atlantis, Cliff Clavin proclaims, "I'm sure going to miss that little Jacko."
Posted by Matt Niemi at January 24, 2005 8:51 PMWait, this flick has a character named Ziggy Stardust, like the David Bowie album? That added to everything else you write leads me to believe whoever wrote this piece of crap was on some real strong acid, that or it was Matt Kibbe on a normal day.
Posted by: Dan at January 25, 2005 4:17 PMi'm in love with that man's hair. in fact i'm in love with that man.
Posted by: mullet martian lover at January 26, 2005 9:45 AMMy god thank you for posting your bit about Warlords of Atlantis (WOA). I saw WOA when I was around 6 yrs old (24 yrs ago!) but could not remember the title, and deciding to Google the movie used the words 'Atlantis Gold Statue Diving Bell Sea' found your post! Spot on!
Posted by: Noobie at May 28, 2005 3:55 PMI found this to be one of the best in the series of lost world period films lensed by the AMICUS production crew. (Although this one was shot by EMI, not AMICUS). I actually LOVE each one of these films, and they make for an excellent rainy Saturday matinee. Warlords of Atlantis follows the same formula as "The Land That Time Forgot" , "At The Earth's Core" & "The People That Time Forgot" actually blending elements of all three prior films together. The highlights are the escape sequences as the trapped divers escape the city only to be chased by explosove water torrents. (Check out the ending of "The People That Time Forgot"). I found the creature effects to be excellent (for the time that these films were shot) remembering that there were no computer graphics in the 70's. There was always an element of mystery to the film(s) and they did an AWESOME job creating that period feel. For science fiction, I give this one an A. (I also give the three other films by AMICUS crew Kevin Conner and John Dark an A+, however, "The People That Time Forgot was the worse in the series. The creature effects in that film were just poor. They should have had Roger Dicken recreate the same type of dinosaur sequences created for the first film) ENJOY!
Posted by: Devon Marshall at October 6, 2005 8:16 AM