Bad Movie Monday: Vampiyaz

Note: This is a "new release" at Blockbuster. Go rent it now.

Oh man, Vampiyaz was one of the best bad movies I've seen in a long time. With the tagline, "Brothaz in blood," you know this one is going to be good. Where to start?

The two main characters bust into a "mansion" to steal some papers. (Papers is another word for money.) There are no "papers" just jewels. The robbers then kill the guy who lives in the mansion and on their escape route they hit a girl who is walking in the middle of the road. The driver tries to help her out, but his partner wants to take off. Rather than help the girl out he shoots his kind homie and drives off with the jewels. The kind safe cracker is caught by the police and serves 8 years in prison. A prison that resembles Abu Ghraib. They are obviously shooting this prison footage in an abandoned prison. There are no shots of anyone else.

When our hero gets out of prison he returns to his old 'hood. His old partner is now a Vampiya and he wants his old buddy to steal an amulet for him. He tells him the amulet will cure him of his vampiyaness. This is where it starts to get good (or bad). They break into a house that has a safe that looks incredibly similar to the safe that was broken into earlier in the film. Only this one is hooked up to a "bomb." The bomb consists of a light timer, some blue clay, and a printer port. The safe cracker lets us know that this is a plastic explosive. He cracks the safe and gets the amulet that looks like something you'd buy at a dollar store.

He returns the amulet to the vampiya and to his surprise it makes him more powerful! The people he stole the amulet from are vampiya hunters. (Sort of a rip off of Blade.) The rest of the movie plays out just as you'd think. Lots of vampiyas getting capped.

Highlights: Multiple condiments used as blood; Motion sickness from the shaky camera work; The Vampiyas live in a house that is obviously under construction (joint compound, dry wall dust); Vampiyas can be killed with bullets; Although there are a lot of crucifixes in the film they seem to have no ill effects on the vampiyas; The mansion owner sleeps in a pink baby suit; Improvised lines galore.