Candidate Niemi

After much speculation and meaningful conversations with my family and friends, I have decided to throw my hat into the political arena. I will be running as a write-in candidate for the President of the United States.

I realize that the election is six weeks away and the odds are against me, but I am up for the challenge. I am a simple man with simple dreams from a simple town and quite simply I have what it takes to be your dictator President. I know I'm not the constitutionally approved age of 35, but I'm running a campaign based on love and love knows no boundaries. I think that will be my campaign slogan: "Matt Niemi: Love Knows No Boundaries." And when the hell is the last time a presidential candidate mentioned the Constitution anyhow?

As of this posting, I have secured the endorsements from the following groups and individuals: Bronson Pinchot Society; Box Movers of America Local 311; The International Brotherhood of Carpet Shampooers; Pinmonkeys United; Senator Lincoln Chafee; Wilford Brimley Fan Club (Pittsburgh Chapter); Wilford Brimley; Promise Keepers; Jan-Michael Vincent; Mail-A-Ham Inc.; Fortified Wine Aficionados.

As a young child I always wanted to tell people what to do and I always knew what was best for my fellow man. Now is the time to realize my full potential as a busy body.

I am going to fight the world until the world is a better place!